Mom was an orthopedic nightmare. It started with a hip revision that she insisted on despite the doctor's misgivings. It was a tough surgery, a tough recovery, and led to her femur spontaneously fracturing some months later. That surgery led to MRSA, and continuing complications for the next 3 years or so. We dealt with good doctors, bad doctors, wonderful nurses, incredibly caring office staff, great nursing homes, hellholes, and lunkheads. As an only child, I was Mom's primary caregiver, chauffeur, and interference-runner. My medical transcription training definitely proved to be an advantage in understanding what was happening and why, and really helped me keep track of her records and even catch some mistakes here and there.
My advice is this: Stay polite. Ask questions in a non-confrontational way. Be sure you totally understand the situation before making decisions... and ask the doctor what he would do if this was his mother.
That all said, for the past few months I've been watching the unfolding drama of another only daughter and her mother in a very similar situation, and it's really underscored for me how essential it is to be pro-active in getting care for our parents, and how terribly things go wrong if we aren't paying attention or are more concerned with our own desires and social life than our parent's needs, and how terribly things can go wrong if we don't stay at our parent's sides through all the hospital stays and tests and doctor's visits.
Honestly sometimes you have to get past your parent's desire to tell you what they think you want to hear. It's a very soul-searching position to be in.
I fear it will cost this old friend her life, if not just her leg, and it just breaks my heart. She was and is a good mom. She doesn't deserve such a selfish daughter. It makes me really feel for what doctors go through with delusional people who blame them for not being able to fix the results of their own irresponsibility.
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Re: selfishness . . . I've seen children take better care of their parents even when their parents had not taken good care of them. I've seen strangers befriend ones in need and take better care of them also. Yes, selfishness. After a while, such ones are exposed by their own 'works' and people turn away. Italians would say to such a one, (with a disgusted look on their faces), "Disgraziata! "Una propia schema!"
ReplyDeleteA disgrace is right... And how many times have you heard someone who is opting out on their responsibilities say something along the lines of 'it's different, or easier, for you?'
ReplyDeleteSnap!
What childish thinking!